Bad Blogger

So anyway… I’m at Lucky Supermarket, picking up a prescription at the pharmacy (a story in itself, involving the reasons why pharmacists should refrain from “snacking” on the job…)– when I see THIS:

on the magazine aisle. My first thought is this: obviously someone has determined that there is a significant market for this sort of publication (and not for such fringe periodicals such as Discover, Smithsonian, and National Geographic).

I figure this would be an amusing “fluff piece” for my blog, and I look for a cover shot on the internet, where I come across this website, with the following publications available for perusal by fitness pervs of discriminating palattes:

Butt WAIT! There’s MORE!!!

WASHINGTON—Calling it the most effective tool to date in the War on Terror, the Pentagon announced Monday that it had developed a new chemical weapon called “ennui gas,” a nerve agent that overwhelms its victims with sudden philosophical distress over the meaningless tedium of human life and a sinking sense that everything they have ever accomplished ultimately amounts to dust.

“When the enemy inhales the gas, he will immediately retreat to his bedroom, lock the door, stare at the ceiling, pick idly at his fingernails, and muse upon the similarities between fingernails and the fragility of life,” Defense Secretary Robert Gates said.

Recently disclosed Pentagon documents indicate that the gas has a dissemination radius of four to eight miles, and that neither protective masks nor a positive outlook on life can prevent infection. Symptoms include uncontrollable sighing, repeated utterances of the phrase “What’s the use?” a confusion and bitterness regarding one’s place in the universe, and an increased proclivity to listen to Lou Reed records.

If one’s skin comes into contact with the agent, the physical effects are more severe. These include a sudden numbing of the very soul, a feeling that one is being crushed under the weight of the emptiness all around him, and mild eye irritation.

More than half of those exposed to ennui gas will suffer some permanent effects, including the tendency to view their existence not as a rich tapestry woven by memory and experience, but as one transitory life’s insignificant brushstroke on the canvas of eternity.

Though critics allege that the gas violates the 1997 Chemical Weapons Convention treaty, the U.S. claims the substance is legal because it is not physically harmful. The military assured Amnesty International and other human-rights groups that ennui gas causes no pain, save for the pain of realizing that one has wasted his life.

As proof, Pentagon representative Byron Christie voluntarily inhaled a small amount of ennui gas at a private press conference last week.

“Because ennui gas is a nonpersistent substance, it is highly probable that its victims will someday feel whole again,” said Christie, suddenly furrowing his brow and gripping his temples. “Then again, no one is truly whole, are they? We are all just pieces of flesh and bone masquerading as life, and the world will go on without me, my absence unnoticed, death as futile as life. Pain hath no sting, and pleasure’s wreath no flower.”

I’m back into the 9 2 5 routine, working as a webmaster for ZAPWorld.com (ZAAP), a distributer of electric vehicles, including cars & scooters (I wouldn’t mind tootling around on one of their ZAPinos ™, it looks like a Vespa). I just started the week before last, but take a look around the showroom:

Clicking on the picture will take you to a page that I slapped put together on Friday, with a virtual tour of the showroom in downtown Santa Rosa. ZAP’s all-electric scooters are zero-emission vehicles. Green and fun for the whole family. Buy one for that favorite grandmother who’s got everything!
Buy one for each of the kids! They’ll just LOVE the continental styling of Zapino!

(The Angels Wanna Wear My) Red Shoes

Oh I used to be disgusted
and now I try to be amused.
But since their wings have got rusted,
you know, the angels wanna wear my red shoes.

But when they told me ’bout their side of the bargain,
that’s when I knew that I could not refuse.
And I won’t get any older, now the angels wanna wear my red shoes.

I was watching while you’re dancing away.
Our love got fractured in the echo and sway.
How come everybody wants to be your friend?
You know that it still hurts me just to say it.

Oh, I know that she’s disgusted (oh why’s that)
Cause she’s feeling so abused. (oh that’s too bad)
She gets tired of the lust, (oh I’m so sad)
but it’s so hard to refuse.
How can you say that I’m too old,
when the angels have stolen my red shoes.

Oh, I said “I’m so happy, I could die.”
She said “Drop dead,” then left with another guy.
That’s what you get if you go chasing after vengeance.
Ever since you got me punctured this has been my sentence.
Oh I used to be disgusted
and now I try to be amused.
But since their wings have got rusted,
you know, the angels wanna wear my red shoes.

Red shoes, the angels wanna wear my red shoes.

Google “Boycott Amazon“.

The third item is actually on the Amazon site, and you can purchase wonderful products like instruction manuals for staging events like cockfighting & dogfighting!

But don’t take MY word for it. Check & SEE:

for the original screenshot (in case Amazon wises up and removes the offending page from their site):

see also, this page

and Amazon.com versus the Humane Society

Support your local bookstore, or Amazon will be your ONLY source for in-depth information!