25 Things I Didn’t Want to Know About You

By Claire Suddath, Time Magazine

Facebook’s “25 Things About Me” meme seems harmless enough; people write 25 facts about themselves and post them on their Facebook pages, just as they do with videos, status updates and photos of last weekend’s party. An estimated 5 million of these notes — that’s 125 million facts — have appeared on the website within the past week. Assuming it takes someone 10 minutes to come up with their list, this recent bout of viral narcissism has sent roughly 800,000 hours of worktime productivity down the drain.

Most people aren’t funny, they aren’t insightful, and they share way too much. Facebook is a loose social network; a “friend” on Facebook might translate to someone you’d barely recognize in real life.

Let me just say here that I’m happy as hell that I’m on Opera Community. I’ve seen MySpace; I’ve seen FaceBook. It’s not pretty…

Below are 25 facts I wish people hadn’t told me about themselves. They come from friends, friends-of-friends, friends-of-friends-of-friends and coworkers. They are all real, though I wish some of them were not.

1. I eat tacos with a fork.
2. I was fat in middle school. The wake of that horror has yet to subside.
3. I keep forgetting that Barack Obama is our President.
4. I have been pooped on by a monkey.
5. I am addicted to the ass-slap dance move. Sometimes I don’t even notice I’m doing it.
6. When I finally told my now fiancé that I liked him (as in, liked him liked him), I drunkenly gave him the Anchorman line, “I want to be on you.” He had only seen the movie once and had no idea what it was from.
7. Just because I realize that Asian women are smarter, more attractive, and have about themselves a generally superior level of class does not mean I have a fetish. Just that I’m racist.
8. I eat gummy bears by tearing them limb from limb and eating their heads last. chocobun.gif
9. I can’t grow hair on my arms.
10. Two of my best friends are under five feet tall and I have an intense fear of midgets.
11. I think yoga is incredibly spiritual. I know the Lord is with me in my downward dog.
12. I was born with jaundice.
13. I was born pigeon-toed.
14. I was born with an extra kidney. I wish I could have sold it on the black market and made some money, but it was underdeveloped and did nothing but cause me to wet the bed until the third grade.
15. I like to tape my thumbs to my hands to see what it would be like to be a dinosaur.
16. A horse once fell over while I was riding it.
17. I don’t believe in democracy.
18. I cried when Spock died in Star Trek II.
19. I drink two glasses of wine every night before bed. Wait, did I just admit to alcoholism?
20. If you asked me to tell you my favorite movie, I would have a hard time not saying Titanic.
21. I once sent a teacher into early retirement by pretending to be a cheetah and swiping at her from under a desk.
22. I once ran into New Kids On the Block’s Joey McIntyre in the lobby of an off-Broadway show. I told him he was the first boy I ever loved. He laughed and kind of smiled. This was the most gratifying moment of my life.
23. My friends say that when they shave my back, I purr like a walrus.
24. I don’t understand what people see in the Godfather trilogy.
25. Sometimes I think pee smells like Cheerios.

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’ve finally found something more stupid than Twitter.

 

God Hates Lizards!

Ladyboy lizards use transvestite trickery

MELBOURNE (AFP) – Young male lizards in South Africa imitate females to fool aggressive older males into leaving them alone, in an example of transvestism in the natural world, researchers have found.

The lizards not only avoid fights but gain access to females under the nose of their more macho rivals, the South African and Australian researchers discovered.

They found that young male Augrabies flat lizards delayed displaying the extravagant coloration of sexually-mature males until they were able to defend themselves adequately.

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“Experienced males will chase and bite their young rivals,” said associate professor Martin Whiting of Johannesburg’s University of the Witwatersrand.

“By delaying the onset of colour to a more convenient period, these males, termed she-males, are making the best of a bad situation.”

Australian National University associate professor Scott Keogh said opting to become transvestites for a period offered young males a dual advantage.

“They can avoid potentially dangerous bouts with dominant males and still have access to normally inaccessible females,” he said.

But, as with large hands and an Adam’s apple in the human world, there is a flaw in the lizards’ transvestite transformation.

read more here…

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ONE of these signs is a FAKE!

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* * *

Westboro Baptist Church

One-stop Shop for Hate

What they actually believe

Towards a Theoretical Theory of Theory, or…

Out With IT already!!!

At first, I thought this guy was trying to be funny.

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He wasn’t (trying), but he IS (funny)…

“Cosmopolitanism” need not be an elitist project. First, cosmopolitanism has been labelled elitist and utopian by nationalists themselves in the late 19th century. “Cosmopolitans” were labelled as some dangerous enemies of the national unity, and the “patrie” because of Montesquieu’s theory that a democracy can only survive if its members love the laws and cherish the res publica. During the 18th century the “cosmopolitan” is labelled as a traveller, touring Europe, and having no fixed “patrie”. Therefore, how could he/she be a good patriot? The term symbolised the aristocrats, married to several European aristocratic families. These people were rejected during the revolution, as “tyrants”, and Sieyes and others replaced the King with the “nation”. However, the “nation” at that time was a very cosmopolitan one, it included just any freeman in the world. The French revolution was supposed to be a beacon for freedom. So much so that foreigners were included, and became members of the “national assembly”. So much so that some of these “foreigners”, like Anacharsis Cloots, would proclaim humankind the sole sovereign, and the only possible nation. The concept of “nation” at that time was thus not yet “nationalised” into a French, a Danish or a Spanish nation. This came later. Soon enough however, the idea of nation became exclusive. Cosmopolitan “idealists” like Cloots were sent to the guillotine — this wonderful modern invention used in France until 1981 (1977 last execution).

Wait! “…Montesquieu’s theory (?!) that a democracy can only survive if its members love the laws and cherish the res publica…” (again?!!!) He calls this a “theory” as we are dealing with the wreckage of an administration that did not in fact “love the laws [or] cherish the res publica”, and trumpeted “globalization” while draining the national treasury & spiriting off our nation’s assets to their personal offshore bank accounts.

Which brings me to the discussion of aristocratic families (oligarchs), as well as the last sentence. More on that to come

Inadvertant Reality Hack

Every once in awhile, I like to check my “analytics” to see how people are finding their way to my site. Every so often, the “hook” that leads people here is totally unexpected. For example, google the words “Iraq prison atrocities”, you get

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if you’re wondering how the words “Iraq prison atrocities” nets you a photo of “Tyra Banks”, see…

posting, Sept. 5, 2008

…rrringg…rrringgg…

Hello? Tyra Banks’ lawyers, you say?

5ive complete Wastes of Time

or Web 2.0 is the Swiss Army Knife of Self-Referential Circle Jerks

1.) Anger Is the Swiss Army Knife of Emotions T-shirt

Comment thread digresses into surreal heights of weirdness (WARNING: Involves “Bling” & “Sparkly Thingies”)

2.) Blingee

Source of aforementioned “bling” and “sparkly thingies”

3.) Boing Boing: Glitter Is the Swiss Army Knife of Emotions

or “Web 2.0 is a complete Self-Referential Circle Jerk” …

4.) 5ives – Lists of Five Things

Five “Web 2.0″ ways to break up with your boyfriend
March 18th, 2008

1. add unflattering Flickr tag, “Fat asshole with a unibrow”
2. change Facebook status to “He’s literally dead to me”
3. web widget counts up days since your last climax (currently: “193″)
4. share Zoho spreadsheet to split up MySpace friends
5. decline to participate in Series B round of affection

5.) Neil Patrick Harris, uh… Fan Page

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Remember: All your Base ARE Belong to US!

Has net culture become so baseless that we can get so damned excited about an obscure and outdated phrase from a captain and the mysterious Cats? To answer, I’ll refer you to a famous Maxim, circa A.D. 2101…”You have no chance to survive make your time”.

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